Ever wonder why there are 18 children at any given time screaming their way throughout the local Walmarts? I'll tell you why, it's because they are trying to warn us of impending doom! Kids are smarter than adults give them credit for. Read on my friend, read on.
While at the local crazy hole one fine July day, my mother and I noticed that there seemed to be a lot of random people in the store. Weird Vietnam Vets with scraggly hair, the "MILF" in the way too tight stretchy pants and non-supportive tank top, 27 random dirty, filthy and sticky children. We both came to the conclusion at the same time. It was the first of the month, a Friday and a full moon. Yes, you guessed it, we were at the Walmarts on the WORST day of the year.
Now, I try my darndest to never go into Walmart but having recently had back surgery and quite possibly going insane, I decided I would let my mom spring me for the day so I could go walk around and buy food for my poorly stocked refrigerator. After being cut off by Amigo driver after Amigo driver, I finally started just walking down the center of the aisle as to make it know I wasn't going to be run over anymore. "Try to go around my fat butt and see what happens Gramma Jenkins! HA!", I thought ruefully. I looked around to see random children pulling sugared cereals off the shelves and throw them on the floor when they were told no. I watched said child throw themselves on the floor next to the banished cereal and kick and scream their way to getting what they wanted.
I quickly found my mother and we tried our hardest to "grab and go", as I like to call it but I was troubled by the amount of screaming of children in the store. I thought, "How could Walmart be that bad for these kids? I mean you're out amongst people, you get the attention of your parents because you're in the front of the shopping cart and you occasionally get the Poptarts that you wanted. What more could you want?" Then I realized that all those kids were trying to warn me about the "Stranger Danger" amongst us and that they needed a nap.
That kid over there throwing a grand mal fit on the floor.... yeah, he's just trying to warn you about Cheech and Chong look alikes snagging the snack cakes. That kid standing up in the shopping cart grabbing cereal and throwing it at random people.... she's trying to tell you that your bra is not supporting the ladies very well and it's time to retire that shirt. (Tweety Bird looks good on no one!) The kids pointing and screaming.... yeah, it's at a corpse driving an Amigo.
All in all, if you hear the Walmart Wail, go directly in the opposite direction. Be safe my friends!
-Suzs
While at the local crazy hole one fine July day, my mother and I noticed that there seemed to be a lot of random people in the store. Weird Vietnam Vets with scraggly hair, the "MILF" in the way too tight stretchy pants and non-supportive tank top, 27 random dirty, filthy and sticky children. We both came to the conclusion at the same time. It was the first of the month, a Friday and a full moon. Yes, you guessed it, we were at the Walmarts on the WORST day of the year.
Now, I try my darndest to never go into Walmart but having recently had back surgery and quite possibly going insane, I decided I would let my mom spring me for the day so I could go walk around and buy food for my poorly stocked refrigerator. After being cut off by Amigo driver after Amigo driver, I finally started just walking down the center of the aisle as to make it know I wasn't going to be run over anymore. "Try to go around my fat butt and see what happens Gramma Jenkins! HA!", I thought ruefully. I looked around to see random children pulling sugared cereals off the shelves and throw them on the floor when they were told no. I watched said child throw themselves on the floor next to the banished cereal and kick and scream their way to getting what they wanted.
I quickly found my mother and we tried our hardest to "grab and go", as I like to call it but I was troubled by the amount of screaming of children in the store. I thought, "How could Walmart be that bad for these kids? I mean you're out amongst people, you get the attention of your parents because you're in the front of the shopping cart and you occasionally get the Poptarts that you wanted. What more could you want?" Then I realized that all those kids were trying to warn me about the "Stranger Danger" amongst us and that they needed a nap.
That kid over there throwing a grand mal fit on the floor.... yeah, he's just trying to warn you about Cheech and Chong look alikes snagging the snack cakes. That kid standing up in the shopping cart grabbing cereal and throwing it at random people.... she's trying to tell you that your bra is not supporting the ladies very well and it's time to retire that shirt. (Tweety Bird looks good on no one!) The kids pointing and screaming.... yeah, it's at a corpse driving an Amigo.
All in all, if you hear the Walmart Wail, go directly in the opposite direction. Be safe my friends!
-Suzs
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