Have you ever wondered how a day can spiral out of control and turn from a nice, quiet evening to bathing 2 very horrible dogs at 1 in the morning? Yeah, I don't get the logic or the math on this one either but as I am horrible at odds or games of chance I guess I have been destined for awfulness. I really do hit the jackpot of horrible quite a few more times than say the average person. This I believe is because I, in general, am a mean, mean person. Meh.... I guess I will take ridiculous situations as opposed to being nice.
On occasion I get this bug up my butt to be nice. This never works out to my advantage. One, because as I stated above, I am mean. If you are good at something you should stick to it and secondly, I don't do enough good deeds on a regular basis to actually know how to be nice. I should stick to the winning formula for me and stop trying to be Betty freakin' Crocker and bake cakes for everyone. Anywho, before I go on another tangent, let me set the scene.
It was a night of uncanny silence. The monster was sound asleep and me being the worried mom that I am was waiting for her pacifier to fall out and me to come to the rescue and reinsert the favored Nuk. As I was waiting on the future pacie plugging I heard the Luckster whining. Normally he doesn't make a peep inside the house so I used my extra sensitive mommy hearing to try to listen for intruders. When nothing was revealed I figured he just needed to go out to the bathroom. This dog can hold pee like no other so it was odd that he needed to go out and take a leak. I felt bad and couldn't remember if I had let them out before I put them in their kennels for the evening and since I couldn't remember, I most likely hadn't done it.
So being the damned bleeding heart that I am, I went and let them out. At least I would have something to do while I was waiting for The Kiddling to roll over and realize that a bulbous piece of plastic was missing from her mouth. What I heard while waiting for them to pee was barking, snarling, jaws snapping, running and then whimpering in the yard. As we live in the suburbs, I figured that the dogs had chased a rabbit or a possum out of the yard. When Cinder-ella came immediately back to the front door sneezing like a maniac I knew something went horribly wrong on their pee mission. That's when I smelled it..... Skunk spray. VOMIT!
I sat there pacing in front of the door, shutting the door, opening it, closing the windows, grabbing dish soap, peroxide and baking soda and then finally questioning if I should just leave them outside to stink in the yard. After thinking it over I decided that the skunk would probably eat my two wimpy dogs instead of them actually defending themselves in real life situations and that the police would be called for the whimpering and whining that would ensue. So I took them into the bathroom wrapped in towels to minimize the smell transfer and washed them thoroughly or what I thought was thorough at 1 am. Turns out, when the dogs get sprayed in the face like that, the light colored fur will actually stain a weird orange color and your dogs will have explosive diarrhea for 2-3 days because of the chemicals found in skunk spray.
That night I slept with a sheet soaked in Barbasol shaving cream and all the windows closed up for fear that the outside odor would creep in. In a funny turn of events, it just trapped the dog odor inside the house which resulted in a horrible headache for me and giant acne on my chin from my Barbasol perfume. The next day I washed everything, including all the dog bedding that diarrhea had gotten on.... SO. MUCH. FUN! o_O Do you want to know what's even better than washing two skunk sprayed dogs at a ridiculous hour of the night, rewashing them the next day and the day after that. Oh and don't forget the massive diarrhea!!
Needless to say, the dogs won't be going out after dark anymore until after a nice deep freeze. If they start whining I will just have to put on my mean hat and shut my door so I can't hear them. Oh, and the monster didn't even make a peep all that night. I could have slept the entire night had I chosen to be mean.
-Suzs
On occasion I get this bug up my butt to be nice. This never works out to my advantage. One, because as I stated above, I am mean. If you are good at something you should stick to it and secondly, I don't do enough good deeds on a regular basis to actually know how to be nice. I should stick to the winning formula for me and stop trying to be Betty freakin' Crocker and bake cakes for everyone. Anywho, before I go on another tangent, let me set the scene.
It was a night of uncanny silence. The monster was sound asleep and me being the worried mom that I am was waiting for her pacifier to fall out and me to come to the rescue and reinsert the favored Nuk. As I was waiting on the future pacie plugging I heard the Luckster whining. Normally he doesn't make a peep inside the house so I used my extra sensitive mommy hearing to try to listen for intruders. When nothing was revealed I figured he just needed to go out to the bathroom. This dog can hold pee like no other so it was odd that he needed to go out and take a leak. I felt bad and couldn't remember if I had let them out before I put them in their kennels for the evening and since I couldn't remember, I most likely hadn't done it.
So being the damned bleeding heart that I am, I went and let them out. At least I would have something to do while I was waiting for The Kiddling to roll over and realize that a bulbous piece of plastic was missing from her mouth. What I heard while waiting for them to pee was barking, snarling, jaws snapping, running and then whimpering in the yard. As we live in the suburbs, I figured that the dogs had chased a rabbit or a possum out of the yard. When Cinder-ella came immediately back to the front door sneezing like a maniac I knew something went horribly wrong on their pee mission. That's when I smelled it..... Skunk spray. VOMIT!
I sat there pacing in front of the door, shutting the door, opening it, closing the windows, grabbing dish soap, peroxide and baking soda and then finally questioning if I should just leave them outside to stink in the yard. After thinking it over I decided that the skunk would probably eat my two wimpy dogs instead of them actually defending themselves in real life situations and that the police would be called for the whimpering and whining that would ensue. So I took them into the bathroom wrapped in towels to minimize the smell transfer and washed them thoroughly or what I thought was thorough at 1 am. Turns out, when the dogs get sprayed in the face like that, the light colored fur will actually stain a weird orange color and your dogs will have explosive diarrhea for 2-3 days because of the chemicals found in skunk spray.
That night I slept with a sheet soaked in Barbasol shaving cream and all the windows closed up for fear that the outside odor would creep in. In a funny turn of events, it just trapped the dog odor inside the house which resulted in a horrible headache for me and giant acne on my chin from my Barbasol perfume. The next day I washed everything, including all the dog bedding that diarrhea had gotten on.... SO. MUCH. FUN! o_O Do you want to know what's even better than washing two skunk sprayed dogs at a ridiculous hour of the night, rewashing them the next day and the day after that. Oh and don't forget the massive diarrhea!!
Needless to say, the dogs won't be going out after dark anymore until after a nice deep freeze. If they start whining I will just have to put on my mean hat and shut my door so I can't hear them. Oh, and the monster didn't even make a peep all that night. I could have slept the entire night had I chosen to be mean.
-Suzs
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