Extreme Cobalting: (v) Stuffing as much merchandise and people into a small Chevy Cobalt as possible. Extra points for style and swagger. Use in a sentence: Oh my gosh! Lowe's was having a garden center sale so I popped me and the kids into the Cobalt and bought as many plants as I could. The kids had to share a seat belt but I got that weeping cherry tree I've had my eye on for a year!
As many of you know, I have a soft spot in my heart for Ikea. Not only is it super fun to look at the show rooms but everything there is so stinking CHEAP that you can't help but buy a ton of crap. There's one problem in this case, you need to be prepared to bring that crap home.... and in your own car, so good luck with that! :)
When Mr. Fantastic decided it was time to get a better napping option for his Man Cave, we went around town looking for a nice looking futon that wasn't too big or too small and something that would last longer than a year. Unfortunately we looked high and low and couldn't find a good option for the money. I mean if you are going to shell out $200, you might as well like it. I don't know about you but $200 is a lot of money for me.... I'm the crazy coupon lady and refuse to pay more than $2.00 for anything because I know I can get it cheaper. Not only has this saved my family and TON of money but now I can actually skip weeks of mega coupon scouring because I have enough on hand that I don't have to worry about running out of things. Occasionally my flightiness fails me and I run out of paper towel but I don't buy too much at one time for full price because I can get it super cheap with my Mommy Coupon Power! Alas, I digress... We decided it would be a great option to wrangle my Bestie into the scheme so that we would have a 3rd party member for voting and such. So we hijacked her into going down to Ikea.
Now let me just set the story up a little further, my Bestie and I LOVE Ikea. We once went down there and furnished almost her entire apartment with stuff. Granted we brought her mother's Super Mom van but still, it was a lot of things to fit into a mini-van. So off we went to Ikea, happy, jovial and stupid to look at futons and/or Hide Away Beds. We walked around, mesmerized by how they fit all this crap into a display. Marveling at how we could do this in our homes too! We finally got to the futon section and sat, bounced, layed on, rolled on, lifted up, felt, scratched and generally gave the displays a good thorough working through. We finally decided on a traditional futon with an extra firm mattress because it would probably stand the test of time and would be sending our future children off to college with this one. (Monsterkins did not exist at this time. This was ohhh, roughly a year and a half before her existence.) We took down the Aisle number and the Bin number and casually walked through all the displays. Picking up nic-nacs and candles, looking at space saving technology and writing away furiously at the stuff we wanted to revamp our houses with.
After over an hour up on the show room, we decided to go down to the bottom level. Now for you frequent Ikea shoppers, you know the bottom level has all the goods you want starting off with kitchen crap. I'm a SUCKER for kitchen crap! I love cooking and creating fantastic meals, that to me is how you show your family and friends that you love them, by cooking for them. I am pretty sure in my childhood I was introduced to the Greek Mother mentality and soon adapted the "food pusher" principals. But I really do feel that cooking a fantastic meal for someone is better than any gift that you can ever give them. I am always trying to have my Sister in Law try new things and almost have her hooked on tomatoes! Again, I probably should go to Food Pushers Anonymous but I can't help sharing fantasticness... its an illness and I'm sure I will need a 12 step process to stop trying to fill up bellies, but I'm good at it and so I just go with it.
We walked around the kitchen section grabbing up spoons and spatulas, colanders and kettles, cups and plates and napkins oh my! Finally we made our way to the actual furniture section. They have these ginormous aisles marked with huge numbers and you find where to go and grab your boxes off of the shelf onto your flat bed cart. Now, if you have never been to Ikea you wouldn't know that the boxes are made really weird. Everything contained in them is broken down into the smallest piece possible and are made to stack evenly on the shelf. Now that's all fine and dandy but when you go to put it in the back of your car you need to have majored in Tetris in college. Being the fine scholar that I am, I have played many, many hours of Tetris and consider myself a genius at this stack, stock and lock mentality. Even I couldn't imagine the situation that faced us in our immediate future.
We got our crap through the check out with ease, then Mr. Fantastic decided that my Bestie and I should stay in the loading area and he would bring the car around. We sat there thinking, "Ok, someone's going to be VERRRRY uncomfortable!" The seats in the back of the Cobalt lay down flat so that you can have "ease of use of your NEW CAR!" Unfortunately, Bob Barker didn't tell us that when the seats go down, you can't use the seat belts because the seats cover the buckles up.... duh duh duhhhhhnnnnnn! We shoved the rolled up mattress of the futon into the middle and it reached all the way up to the shifter and radio of our tiny M&M car. "Not a problem, I can just put my arm right there and rest it on there all the way home. Not a big deal!", said Mr. Fantastic. "Oh! We can put the frame of the futon underneath of it and it will just fit in there. Then we can put all the other stuff around it in the passenger sides of the car.", said my Bestie. I raised my hand and said, "ummm, guys.... where am I going to sit?" Long silent pause. "Well, being that you are the shortest, you can sit on the folded down seat and just hold the seat belt so that we don't get pulled over. We can get you in there and shut you in so that you don't have to worry about falling out.", said Mr. Fantastic. "Ok, that sounds like a plan!"
We all agreed because I was the shortest and with the least likeliness of being uncomfortable it wouldn't be that big of a deal. So away we loaded and tried to shut the trunk. That wasn't happening because even though the mattress was compressed into that plastic sausage like casing it still was hella-huge. So, of course Ikea thought of everything and offered us FREE TWINE! How thoughtful! We tied 'er down and I squished myself into the back seat. Now when I say squished I really mean squish. I'm a good average size of 5'4" tall and when the seat was folded down that added about 5 inches to the height of the seat. Normally not a problem but in a tiny car, you are stuck with your neck crooked for the entire trip. Not so bad I thought, if I get tired I can just lay my head on the futon..... WRONG! Mr. Fantastic couldn't see out the back window with my giant dome in the way, so crooked neck it is.
After all of this serious shopping we decided we were famished and headed to the nearest TGI-McFunsters to eat a wholesome lunch before risking life and limb on the way home. My gallant husband thought it was best to open my door for me because even though the handle was accessible it was hard to wrangle when you couldn't see it due to taco neck syndrome. So he opened the door without warning and I fell out onto the parking lot.... ass over apple cart style into a giant mud puddle. It looked like I wasn't able to make it to the bathroom in time. Always fetching on a 26 year old woman and being that it was March, it was also snowy and slushy and down right freezing. So off we went into the restaurant to have our cake and eat it too. After warming and filling up, we decided to brave the flurried storm that was presenting itself to us.
In all of our brave and gallant wisdom we all decided that going the "back way" would probably be safer due to all the flurries and possibly iced over roadways. So we went the back way which takes a considerably longer time. Not too bad for the passengers in the front seats but highly uncomfortable for me with my TNS and the fact that the trunk kept bobbing up and down letting cold air into the back of the car and onto my exposed and wet bottom. Maybe that extra glass of iced tea wasn't such a great idea. All in all we made it home and in one piece. The futon is still fantastic and my ego and pride have healed from this trip of Extreme Cobalting.
Happy Times My Friends,
-Suzs
As many of you know, I have a soft spot in my heart for Ikea. Not only is it super fun to look at the show rooms but everything there is so stinking CHEAP that you can't help but buy a ton of crap. There's one problem in this case, you need to be prepared to bring that crap home.... and in your own car, so good luck with that! :)
When Mr. Fantastic decided it was time to get a better napping option for his Man Cave, we went around town looking for a nice looking futon that wasn't too big or too small and something that would last longer than a year. Unfortunately we looked high and low and couldn't find a good option for the money. I mean if you are going to shell out $200, you might as well like it. I don't know about you but $200 is a lot of money for me.... I'm the crazy coupon lady and refuse to pay more than $2.00 for anything because I know I can get it cheaper. Not only has this saved my family and TON of money but now I can actually skip weeks of mega coupon scouring because I have enough on hand that I don't have to worry about running out of things. Occasionally my flightiness fails me and I run out of paper towel but I don't buy too much at one time for full price because I can get it super cheap with my Mommy Coupon Power! Alas, I digress... We decided it would be a great option to wrangle my Bestie into the scheme so that we would have a 3rd party member for voting and such. So we hijacked her into going down to Ikea.
Now let me just set the story up a little further, my Bestie and I LOVE Ikea. We once went down there and furnished almost her entire apartment with stuff. Granted we brought her mother's Super Mom van but still, it was a lot of things to fit into a mini-van. So off we went to Ikea, happy, jovial and stupid to look at futons and/or Hide Away Beds. We walked around, mesmerized by how they fit all this crap into a display. Marveling at how we could do this in our homes too! We finally got to the futon section and sat, bounced, layed on, rolled on, lifted up, felt, scratched and generally gave the displays a good thorough working through. We finally decided on a traditional futon with an extra firm mattress because it would probably stand the test of time and would be sending our future children off to college with this one. (Monsterkins did not exist at this time. This was ohhh, roughly a year and a half before her existence.) We took down the Aisle number and the Bin number and casually walked through all the displays. Picking up nic-nacs and candles, looking at space saving technology and writing away furiously at the stuff we wanted to revamp our houses with.
After over an hour up on the show room, we decided to go down to the bottom level. Now for you frequent Ikea shoppers, you know the bottom level has all the goods you want starting off with kitchen crap. I'm a SUCKER for kitchen crap! I love cooking and creating fantastic meals, that to me is how you show your family and friends that you love them, by cooking for them. I am pretty sure in my childhood I was introduced to the Greek Mother mentality and soon adapted the "food pusher" principals. But I really do feel that cooking a fantastic meal for someone is better than any gift that you can ever give them. I am always trying to have my Sister in Law try new things and almost have her hooked on tomatoes! Again, I probably should go to Food Pushers Anonymous but I can't help sharing fantasticness... its an illness and I'm sure I will need a 12 step process to stop trying to fill up bellies, but I'm good at it and so I just go with it.
We walked around the kitchen section grabbing up spoons and spatulas, colanders and kettles, cups and plates and napkins oh my! Finally we made our way to the actual furniture section. They have these ginormous aisles marked with huge numbers and you find where to go and grab your boxes off of the shelf onto your flat bed cart. Now, if you have never been to Ikea you wouldn't know that the boxes are made really weird. Everything contained in them is broken down into the smallest piece possible and are made to stack evenly on the shelf. Now that's all fine and dandy but when you go to put it in the back of your car you need to have majored in Tetris in college. Being the fine scholar that I am, I have played many, many hours of Tetris and consider myself a genius at this stack, stock and lock mentality. Even I couldn't imagine the situation that faced us in our immediate future.
We got our crap through the check out with ease, then Mr. Fantastic decided that my Bestie and I should stay in the loading area and he would bring the car around. We sat there thinking, "Ok, someone's going to be VERRRRY uncomfortable!" The seats in the back of the Cobalt lay down flat so that you can have "ease of use of your NEW CAR!" Unfortunately, Bob Barker didn't tell us that when the seats go down, you can't use the seat belts because the seats cover the buckles up.... duh duh duhhhhhnnnnnn! We shoved the rolled up mattress of the futon into the middle and it reached all the way up to the shifter and radio of our tiny M&M car. "Not a problem, I can just put my arm right there and rest it on there all the way home. Not a big deal!", said Mr. Fantastic. "Oh! We can put the frame of the futon underneath of it and it will just fit in there. Then we can put all the other stuff around it in the passenger sides of the car.", said my Bestie. I raised my hand and said, "ummm, guys.... where am I going to sit?" Long silent pause. "Well, being that you are the shortest, you can sit on the folded down seat and just hold the seat belt so that we don't get pulled over. We can get you in there and shut you in so that you don't have to worry about falling out.", said Mr. Fantastic. "Ok, that sounds like a plan!"
We all agreed because I was the shortest and with the least likeliness of being uncomfortable it wouldn't be that big of a deal. So away we loaded and tried to shut the trunk. That wasn't happening because even though the mattress was compressed into that plastic sausage like casing it still was hella-huge. So, of course Ikea thought of everything and offered us FREE TWINE! How thoughtful! We tied 'er down and I squished myself into the back seat. Now when I say squished I really mean squish. I'm a good average size of 5'4" tall and when the seat was folded down that added about 5 inches to the height of the seat. Normally not a problem but in a tiny car, you are stuck with your neck crooked for the entire trip. Not so bad I thought, if I get tired I can just lay my head on the futon..... WRONG! Mr. Fantastic couldn't see out the back window with my giant dome in the way, so crooked neck it is.
After all of this serious shopping we decided we were famished and headed to the nearest TGI-McFunsters to eat a wholesome lunch before risking life and limb on the way home. My gallant husband thought it was best to open my door for me because even though the handle was accessible it was hard to wrangle when you couldn't see it due to taco neck syndrome. So he opened the door without warning and I fell out onto the parking lot.... ass over apple cart style into a giant mud puddle. It looked like I wasn't able to make it to the bathroom in time. Always fetching on a 26 year old woman and being that it was March, it was also snowy and slushy and down right freezing. So off we went into the restaurant to have our cake and eat it too. After warming and filling up, we decided to brave the flurried storm that was presenting itself to us.
In all of our brave and gallant wisdom we all decided that going the "back way" would probably be safer due to all the flurries and possibly iced over roadways. So we went the back way which takes a considerably longer time. Not too bad for the passengers in the front seats but highly uncomfortable for me with my TNS and the fact that the trunk kept bobbing up and down letting cold air into the back of the car and onto my exposed and wet bottom. Maybe that extra glass of iced tea wasn't such a great idea. All in all we made it home and in one piece. The futon is still fantastic and my ego and pride have healed from this trip of Extreme Cobalting.
Happy Times My Friends,
-Suzs
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