The year I found my funny was a rough year. It was the start of many more years filled full of hormones and sarcasm. I think I came out of the womb wearing "Mean Pants" and "Snarky Shoes" so I can't really tell you exactly when I became sassy but I can tell you about the Christmas where the best gift of all was my Funny, and of course Jesus.
I was a Christmas-a-holic when I was little. I know, odd because I cannot stand the holiday very much as a grown up but I digress. I was 11 years old and had just gotten into baking; cakes, cookies, fudge whatever my mom would let me try in the kitchen. So that year I decided I wanted to make a Christmas Cake special for our celebration. My dad has the biggest sweet tooth I think of anyone I know and I am pretty sure the one sweet tooth has infected the rest of his teeth making them all sweet teeth. I had made a chocolate cake and frosted it with white vanilla frosting and decided it needed more sugar so I added miniature marshmallows to the top of it to give it a "snowy" look to the cake. I had elaborate plans to make little figurines and put on the top but as I am a terrible clay-mation artist and that stuff's probably not edible and mostly full of lead and other chemicals only found in China, I decided to just leave my snowy cake alone. It was perfect even if only in my eyes. I covered it in (now toxic) plastic wrap and put it in the fridge for the next day's celebrations and went to bed.
We had all woke up at some ridiculous time in the morning because my brothers are incapable of sleeping past 4 am when the excitement is so great you could cut it with a knife and plate it for dinner. We all trudged downstairs bleary eyed, noses crusted over and wild, ridiculous bed-head to open gifts from "Santa". You have to understand that I was 11.... my oldest brother was 15 and we were still getting stuff from "Santa"... yeah, we didn't buy it either. Anywho, we all opened our presents and were starting to clean up the wreckage when my dad had asked me to take a blanket upstairs and put it on his bed and then bring down a pillow. I thought it was the most odd request ever being that if you are going to lay down on the couch and watch "Ralphie" then you will still need a blanket. It was odd but I did it anyway. To my surprise I found the keyboard I hadn't yet discovered, it was hiding out on my parent's bed awaiting my squeal. Of course I ran down stairs with a pillow in hand like a dummy and said something to the affect of, "OHHHH MYYY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!" I was beyond excited and ecstatic for my new way to annoy my entire family! The power of music lessons to annoy and alienate your entire family.... ahh Hot Cross Buns.
After the excitement wore off and my brothers were on garbage bag duty, my dad asked for me to cut him a piece of cake for breakfast. I told him it was not a very good breakfast and that the teacher said that we should eat whole grains and fruit for breakfast. He told me to go cut a piece of cake and bring it to him, so I did begrudgingly. I thought, "I will show you 'cake for breakfast'! HA!" So I cut the piece of cake, put it on a plate, got him a glass of milk and a fork and took it to him. He sat there telling me how delicious it looked and making a big deal about his Cake for Breakfast scheme. He carefully cut a corner off of my sugary nightmare and slowly put it into his mouth. When he got almost to the point of putting his lips around his 'betes breakfast I had to interject in all seriousness, "Oh dad, I lost a band-aid while making that cake."
1) I have never in my life, ever before seen my dad's face turn green. 2) I have never, ever in my life seen my dad be so grossed out that he put a sugary delight down. (remember the super sweet tooth?, yeah) My dad hunts and guts things and is generally male in all things he does, never ever before seen him nearly vomit.
He quickly took the fork from his open mouth and set it down. Looked at me like he was going to murder me and said, "You lost a ... (gulp) band-aid in the cake while you were making it?!"
"JUST KIDDING!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA!! I got you DAD!!!"
After multiple times of reaffirming that I did NOT lose a band-aid while making said cake my dad finally ate the piece that I had served him and I think that everyone else did too. It was a pretty funny day filled with new things and plenty of episodes of the silly Christmas movie on TBS, but I will never forget the green, dread-filled look on my dad's face. Priceless!
-Suzs
I was a Christmas-a-holic when I was little. I know, odd because I cannot stand the holiday very much as a grown up but I digress. I was 11 years old and had just gotten into baking; cakes, cookies, fudge whatever my mom would let me try in the kitchen. So that year I decided I wanted to make a Christmas Cake special for our celebration. My dad has the biggest sweet tooth I think of anyone I know and I am pretty sure the one sweet tooth has infected the rest of his teeth making them all sweet teeth. I had made a chocolate cake and frosted it with white vanilla frosting and decided it needed more sugar so I added miniature marshmallows to the top of it to give it a "snowy" look to the cake. I had elaborate plans to make little figurines and put on the top but as I am a terrible clay-mation artist and that stuff's probably not edible and mostly full of lead and other chemicals only found in China, I decided to just leave my snowy cake alone. It was perfect even if only in my eyes. I covered it in (now toxic) plastic wrap and put it in the fridge for the next day's celebrations and went to bed.
We had all woke up at some ridiculous time in the morning because my brothers are incapable of sleeping past 4 am when the excitement is so great you could cut it with a knife and plate it for dinner. We all trudged downstairs bleary eyed, noses crusted over and wild, ridiculous bed-head to open gifts from "Santa". You have to understand that I was 11.... my oldest brother was 15 and we were still getting stuff from "Santa"... yeah, we didn't buy it either. Anywho, we all opened our presents and were starting to clean up the wreckage when my dad had asked me to take a blanket upstairs and put it on his bed and then bring down a pillow. I thought it was the most odd request ever being that if you are going to lay down on the couch and watch "Ralphie" then you will still need a blanket. It was odd but I did it anyway. To my surprise I found the keyboard I hadn't yet discovered, it was hiding out on my parent's bed awaiting my squeal. Of course I ran down stairs with a pillow in hand like a dummy and said something to the affect of, "OHHHH MYYY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!" I was beyond excited and ecstatic for my new way to annoy my entire family! The power of music lessons to annoy and alienate your entire family.... ahh Hot Cross Buns.
After the excitement wore off and my brothers were on garbage bag duty, my dad asked for me to cut him a piece of cake for breakfast. I told him it was not a very good breakfast and that the teacher said that we should eat whole grains and fruit for breakfast. He told me to go cut a piece of cake and bring it to him, so I did begrudgingly. I thought, "I will show you 'cake for breakfast'! HA!" So I cut the piece of cake, put it on a plate, got him a glass of milk and a fork and took it to him. He sat there telling me how delicious it looked and making a big deal about his Cake for Breakfast scheme. He carefully cut a corner off of my sugary nightmare and slowly put it into his mouth. When he got almost to the point of putting his lips around his 'betes breakfast I had to interject in all seriousness, "Oh dad, I lost a band-aid while making that cake."
1) I have never in my life, ever before seen my dad's face turn green. 2) I have never, ever in my life seen my dad be so grossed out that he put a sugary delight down. (remember the super sweet tooth?, yeah) My dad hunts and guts things and is generally male in all things he does, never ever before seen him nearly vomit.
He quickly took the fork from his open mouth and set it down. Looked at me like he was going to murder me and said, "You lost a ... (gulp) band-aid in the cake while you were making it?!"
"JUST KIDDING!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA!! I got you DAD!!!"
After multiple times of reaffirming that I did NOT lose a band-aid while making said cake my dad finally ate the piece that I had served him and I think that everyone else did too. It was a pretty funny day filled with new things and plenty of episodes of the silly Christmas movie on TBS, but I will never forget the green, dread-filled look on my dad's face. Priceless!
-Suzs
HAHAHA That is ridiculous and awesome. I love you. I'm glad you have a blog.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you! :)
ReplyDelete