My Mind Is Broken

Good News!!  My bribe to the woodchuck paid off!! YEA!!! I love early springs.



Here is a list of questions I ask myself on a nearly everyday basis.  As you will see, I am truly plagued by craziness.  You may think less of me after this list is compiled.  Enjoy.

-Do you ever stand in line at the grocery store and think about if a giant lizard came in to eat people what you would do to make sure that you would survive and not get eaten or maimed?

-Have you ever made an extensive emergency plan?  It's frightening but to know that I'm ready and you are probably not makes me feel superior.

-Ever look at the Walmart creature feature and think, "Really, you couldn't be bothered to put on real clothing?  Your Sexy Super Hero Getup is really starting to hurt my eyes and may be slightly inappropriate for the children gawking at you."

-thought while sitting at a stop sign, 'if I rammed my car into that car who's being a jerk, what would the total damages be and would I go to jail?'


-Do you plan out every square inch of your vegetable garden 4 months in advance?  Yeah, I do and it makes me feel better.

-Do you ever go to the Goodwill and judge the clothes that are there and try to picture who actually dropped it off?  And why they bought it in the first place?

-Ever watch bull riding and think, "WHY?  What would possess a person to get on an angry bull with his balls in a rope vice and think that's going to turn out alright?"  I predict 2 casts and a couple of stitches in your future, sir.

-Do the people on Wipe Out get denied by their insurance companies because of their dumbness?

-Why is Justin Beiber popular?  He looks like a girl, sounds like a girl and has stupid hair.... I don't get it.

-Did Christina Aguilera really just flub the National Anthem?  Shouldn't she be kicked out of the U.S. for that?

-If I mix Grape Koolaid and Lemonade, who much of that science project could I stand to drink?

-Am I going to Green Pergatory for not composting all of my kitchen waste in winter?

-What could possibly happen to my child ten seconds from now if I had to run over to THAT side of the room?  Maybe I'll just stick her in the crib to be safe.

-I have no idea what is on the television but it just said in bright green letters, "chew his butt!"  and I thought my mind was broken.... sheesh!

Alright, Imma go rest my mind at the IKEA!! That store is like House Porn.  LOVE IT!!

-Suzs