Warning: **This event happened to me last week and today but unfortunately I didn't know how to write the ending or name it, so I just decided to finish it the best I could and publish the funniness. You have been warned! :)
My husbando decided that it was the perfect time of the year to infect me with awful cold germs. As I am not a seasonal allergy sufferer I knew that he had infiltrated my immune defenses and made me a mucus filled, whiny brat. When my husband gets sick, he feels it necessary to revert back to a time when his mother would have taken care of him, made him special soup and teas and generally made him the King of Germs for the time he was ill.
For whatever reason, he feels that I should do this for him also. Now, I am kind person and take into consideration his mucus production and make things that he would/could eat without feeling worse afterward. But under no circumstances am I going to swab his forehead with a cool rag and pat his back. If you are sick and haven't taken anything for your cold or cough, I do not feel sorry for you. Tylenol makes a fantastic blue Cold and Cough medicine that works wonders for anyone suffering the ill effects of the plague. Don't complain if you haven't been proactive!
This is a dramatization of actual events. Names or places have been changed to protect the innocent.
LP: I feel like awful!
Wife: I'm sorry you don't feel well. Have you taken anything for your chest congestion? Because I can hear your avioli struggling to survive from across the room.
LP: No, I can't find the Mucinex.
Wife: It's in the small bathroom, in the cabinet. Second shelf and to the right.
LP: I looked in there and I couldn't find it.
Wife: Well it may be back in the big bathroom. I will go look in the small bathroom, you go look in the big bathroom.
45 seconds after entering the small bathroom
Wife: I found it exactly where I told you it was.
LP: Oh, I didn't look in the medicine cabinet. I just looked on the counter top.
Wife: Wait, what? You didn't look in the MEDICINE cabinet for some....MEDICINE?!
LP: Well the last time I used it, I put it back on the counter top.
Wife: I do clean the house every now and then, and occasionally I do put things back where they are supposed to go into!
LP: Oh, well thanks.
Wife: Don't forget to drink 2 big glasses of water otherwise you will pee out your kidneys.
LP: (takes the pill without a glass of water) I will be fine!
Several hours later
LP: Can you go up to the store and get me some Gatorade? I feel like my kidneys are dying!!!
Wife: Did you drink some water after you took that medicine?
LP: No but I peed every ten seconds and now I need Electrolyte Balance that only delicious Gatorade can give me.
Wife: If it will make you stop whining, then I will go. Just make sure the Monster stays sleeping and alive.
I trucked it to the Meijer to get him some electrolyte deliciousness and so that I could have an excuse to get out of the house and not get sneezed on. After busting my hump for this man and trying to Lysol the crap out of my house because he can't be bothered to cover his mouth or nose while coughing or sneezing, I am now sick and so is the Monster. To say that I feel like a zombie is an understatement. The skin around my nose is peeling off like one of Michael Jackson's bad nose jobs (too soon?) and my skin feels wretched and dry from said Mucinex. But do you think the LP is taking care of me? NOOOOOO!!! I am man-ning up and handling this beast on my own without a cold wash rag or special soup! Take that COLD, I will zap you with Zinc suppliments and Vitamin C like the Super Woman I am, BAM!
Even though I am owning this communicable disease, my patience is waining and I slept for 11 hours last night and feel like I should have slept until I my kidneys and bladder hurt. You know, that hurt that only comes when your bladder is about to burst open from a ridiculous amount of urine but you keep telling yourself, "5 more minutes?" Yeah, that kind of hurt followed by that hollow belly feeling from your skin and bladder being stretched to it's limit. Yeah, I could have slept for 2 years only to wake up, take some more medicine and go back to bed. It reminds me of that skit with Chris Farley and the giant cup of cold medicine that made you sleep until cold and flu season were over. That would be bliss.....
Cough, Hack, Cough
-Suzs
My husbando decided that it was the perfect time of the year to infect me with awful cold germs. As I am not a seasonal allergy sufferer I knew that he had infiltrated my immune defenses and made me a mucus filled, whiny brat. When my husband gets sick, he feels it necessary to revert back to a time when his mother would have taken care of him, made him special soup and teas and generally made him the King of Germs for the time he was ill.
For whatever reason, he feels that I should do this for him also. Now, I am kind person and take into consideration his mucus production and make things that he would/could eat without feeling worse afterward. But under no circumstances am I going to swab his forehead with a cool rag and pat his back. If you are sick and haven't taken anything for your cold or cough, I do not feel sorry for you. Tylenol makes a fantastic blue Cold and Cough medicine that works wonders for anyone suffering the ill effects of the plague. Don't complain if you haven't been proactive!
This is a dramatization of actual events. Names or places have been changed to protect the innocent.
LP: I feel like awful!
Wife: I'm sorry you don't feel well. Have you taken anything for your chest congestion? Because I can hear your avioli struggling to survive from across the room.
LP: No, I can't find the Mucinex.
Wife: It's in the small bathroom, in the cabinet. Second shelf and to the right.
LP: I looked in there and I couldn't find it.
Wife: Well it may be back in the big bathroom. I will go look in the small bathroom, you go look in the big bathroom.
45 seconds after entering the small bathroom
Wife: I found it exactly where I told you it was.
LP: Oh, I didn't look in the medicine cabinet. I just looked on the counter top.
Wife: Wait, what? You didn't look in the MEDICINE cabinet for some....MEDICINE?!
LP: Well the last time I used it, I put it back on the counter top.
Wife: I do clean the house every now and then, and occasionally I do put things back where they are supposed to go into!
LP: Oh, well thanks.
Wife: Don't forget to drink 2 big glasses of water otherwise you will pee out your kidneys.
LP: (takes the pill without a glass of water) I will be fine!
Several hours later
LP: Can you go up to the store and get me some Gatorade? I feel like my kidneys are dying!!!
Wife: Did you drink some water after you took that medicine?
LP: No but I peed every ten seconds and now I need Electrolyte Balance that only delicious Gatorade can give me.
Wife: If it will make you stop whining, then I will go. Just make sure the Monster stays sleeping and alive.
I trucked it to the Meijer to get him some electrolyte deliciousness and so that I could have an excuse to get out of the house and not get sneezed on. After busting my hump for this man and trying to Lysol the crap out of my house because he can't be bothered to cover his mouth or nose while coughing or sneezing, I am now sick and so is the Monster. To say that I feel like a zombie is an understatement. The skin around my nose is peeling off like one of Michael Jackson's bad nose jobs (too soon?) and my skin feels wretched and dry from said Mucinex. But do you think the LP is taking care of me? NOOOOOO!!! I am man-ning up and handling this beast on my own without a cold wash rag or special soup! Take that COLD, I will zap you with Zinc suppliments and Vitamin C like the Super Woman I am, BAM!
Even though I am owning this communicable disease, my patience is waining and I slept for 11 hours last night and feel like I should have slept until I my kidneys and bladder hurt. You know, that hurt that only comes when your bladder is about to burst open from a ridiculous amount of urine but you keep telling yourself, "5 more minutes?" Yeah, that kind of hurt followed by that hollow belly feeling from your skin and bladder being stretched to it's limit. Yeah, I could have slept for 2 years only to wake up, take some more medicine and go back to bed. It reminds me of that skit with Chris Farley and the giant cup of cold medicine that made you sleep until cold and flu season were over. That would be bliss.....
Cough, Hack, Cough
-Suzs
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