Since becoming a new mother I have had a crash course in how to take care of a child. Granted, I have baby sitting experience and nanny experience but I've never been given an infant for an extended period of time. I have had to learn quickly and "wing" a lot of stuff because I basically didn't pay attention to babies ever before. I mean when you're told having children is not an option you kind forget how to care for an infant and replace it with more important information, like "did I put deodorant on today"? So far so good on the baby raising thing. She's clean, fed and generally pleasant so I put that in the "Win" column.
Here are somethings I don't understand about parenthood. Why are all Nursery Rhymes and songs inherently evil? I mean "Ring Around the Rosie" is about the Bubonic Plague and people rotting to death. Stick some flowers in your pocket so no one can smell your stench. Why not just sing Rob Zombie to them? The Itsy-Bitsy Spider... yeah, about how life sucks and you will never get ahead. Way to be positive and upbeat for your progeny! I have also psycho-analyzed Sesame Street and decided that it too is evil but with numbers and letters. Where is Thumbkin? Child abandonment! Where IS Thumbkin? Ahh well, we can always breed another one! Meh! All of Beatrix Potter's books are about naughty children and death. Peter Rabbit's dad gets put into a pie and he decided that he could tempt fate himself and over eat in Mr. McGregor's garden and nearly gets killed himself. Jemima Puddleduck? A fox tricks her into laying her eggs in his woodshed and locks her in to murder her and eat her and her babies. These are classics yet we continue to scare the crap out of our children with these handed down stories and rhymes.
Also what I don't understand, the Huggies Enjoy the Ride program. I have 50 points from 8,000 packages of diapers and wipes. I was so excited about this tally that I decided to look what I could get with my "rewards" points from the umpteen packages of diapers.... Total DISAPPOINTMENT! For 649 points I could get a Huggies water bottle. Yeah, like the ones that you get for "insert occupation" recognition week. Or for 12,000 points I could get a Huggies t-shirt. So by the time my child is in college and I have collected every stinkin' point from everyone I know, I can get a t-shirt for butt cloths. :/ Fantastic.
Okay, the monster is getting fussy and tonight we are trying rice cereal for the first time. This should be interesting. I will post pics if I can figure it out. Remember I am old and crusty.
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