I always knew that women were the better of the sexes due to the fact that we have the ability to bear children and not complain about it. I mean there is always the mommy show-down of who's labor was worse/ longer, etc. but we never really truly divulge the whole process especially not to our husbands. I'm not sure if it's because we want them to sleep with us again or if it is just because they couldn't handle it and you're a mommy soldier now with a stiff upper lip. For some reason, we keep our secrets and we're all the better for it.
Men, ie: my husband, cannot handle any sort of ache, pain or illness. Heck, I grow ovarian cysts the size of softballs and my only complaint was that I was peeing a lot, granted when that sucker popped I was to the point of passing out but I digress. My husband lugs gomers for a living. I realize his work is very physical and the fact that everyone in Genesee County besides my Bestie is overweight doesn't really make his job any easier. I realize he is tired and sore/ achy when he gets home, don't get me wrong I'm not undervaluing what he does. I sit in a chair all day long, hunched over and craning my neck to answer a phone. I have aches and pains, too. Mainly in the lower back/ butt area but still, I too am sore after work. I don't come home throw myself on the bed and "woe is me" complain about crappy work crap. I suck it up and clean my house. End of story, do not pass go, do not collect $200, take out the dang garbage!
When I get sick, I take medicine. I know that is a freakish concept to men out there but WHAALLLAAAAH! Take some stinkin' Nyquil if you have a cold. Please don't complain to me about how much your cough hurts in your throat while coughing on me. Did you take any medicine for it? No, then I don't want to look at you let alone hear your complaints. "The Complaint Department is on Holiday. Please check back another time. Thank you." It's a cold, not the end of the world and I promise you aren't dying. In 10 days time you will be better and I will be sick and I will still be scrubbing toilets and making dinner, after washing my hands of course.
Dear Men,
Suck it up and get back to work!
Love,
Suzs :)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Six Weeks 'Till Sanity
Like most women in the Northern Hemisphere I get a little stir crazy after all the hullabaloo from the holidays. I tend to pace the floors, start wearing flip flops inside the house again and turning space heaters on so I can feel my toes. I hate winter. I don't know why I continue to stay in one of the coldest states in the universe but alas, I am here. (le sigh)
My birthday has always been a bright spot in the year for me. I love my birthday and I don't mind turning another year older. My mom always made a big deal out of birthday cakes. You got to pick your own and your candles and my favorite was Cherry Chip with the really long candles that look like sparklers. My birthday is smack dab in the middle of February and it's always cold as you know what and I am always sick, but I love it. You go in to any store and everything is bright and cheery and pink and white and purple and happy! I used to actually just go to the store to walk down the card aisle so I could feel like a human again.
The six weeks between my birthday and Christmas is THE roughest time of year for me. I am a gardener and the lack of warmth and green things really gets to me at this time. During November you got the whole gorge yourself silly at the end of the month to look forward to and the days don't start getting horribly depressing until Turkey Day. December, you've got every stinkin' Christmas party to go to. I think I went to ten so far this month, no joke! Plus with the option to drink yourself ridiculous on New Year's Eve you don't really care that you only saw light for just about 4 hours. Once January 2nd rolls around the stir craziness hits me hard!
My husband, bless his heart, tries to pacify me with spring bulbs. "Here honey, look.... isn't this cool?! It says that you can just stick it in a pot and water it and it will grow right now!!"
"Idon'twantit.......idon'twantanythiiiiiinnnnnnngg! I want sunshine and naps on the lawn!"
"Honey, are you hungry? What about tired? How about we go take a nap? huh?"
He's like a scared parent around me during this time of the year. I turn into this melancholy third grader with a serious glandular problem. Heaven help us if I approach Tired, Hungry and Stir Crazy all the same time.
This year I have no clue what to do to take up the six weeks of crazy that is quickly approaching. I am thinking about a tanning membership to help with the cabin fever. Thankfully this year I am not pregnant and can actually go cancer-fy myself. Last year was a disaster and I just want to take this time to apologize to family past and present. Those who are still talking to me and those who are hiding under a rock because I scared the crap out of them last year. In my defense, I had a girl so the whole hormonal thing was a bit much for me. My poor husband, he's a trooper really and I am thinking about getting him an award. "For Dealing With My Toddler Issues" I'm still working on the wording, I'll let you know. :)
Continuing to pace the floors until the woodchuck says it is okay to come out of hiding and that wool sweater.
-Suzs
My birthday has always been a bright spot in the year for me. I love my birthday and I don't mind turning another year older. My mom always made a big deal out of birthday cakes. You got to pick your own and your candles and my favorite was Cherry Chip with the really long candles that look like sparklers. My birthday is smack dab in the middle of February and it's always cold as you know what and I am always sick, but I love it. You go in to any store and everything is bright and cheery and pink and white and purple and happy! I used to actually just go to the store to walk down the card aisle so I could feel like a human again.
The six weeks between my birthday and Christmas is THE roughest time of year for me. I am a gardener and the lack of warmth and green things really gets to me at this time. During November you got the whole gorge yourself silly at the end of the month to look forward to and the days don't start getting horribly depressing until Turkey Day. December, you've got every stinkin' Christmas party to go to. I think I went to ten so far this month, no joke! Plus with the option to drink yourself ridiculous on New Year's Eve you don't really care that you only saw light for just about 4 hours. Once January 2nd rolls around the stir craziness hits me hard!
My husband, bless his heart, tries to pacify me with spring bulbs. "Here honey, look.... isn't this cool?! It says that you can just stick it in a pot and water it and it will grow right now!!"
"Idon'twantit.......idon'twantanythiiiiiinnnnnnngg! I want sunshine and naps on the lawn!"
"Honey, are you hungry? What about tired? How about we go take a nap? huh?"
He's like a scared parent around me during this time of the year. I turn into this melancholy third grader with a serious glandular problem. Heaven help us if I approach Tired, Hungry and Stir Crazy all the same time.
This year I have no clue what to do to take up the six weeks of crazy that is quickly approaching. I am thinking about a tanning membership to help with the cabin fever. Thankfully this year I am not pregnant and can actually go cancer-fy myself. Last year was a disaster and I just want to take this time to apologize to family past and present. Those who are still talking to me and those who are hiding under a rock because I scared the crap out of them last year. In my defense, I had a girl so the whole hormonal thing was a bit much for me. My poor husband, he's a trooper really and I am thinking about getting him an award. "For Dealing With My Toddler Issues" I'm still working on the wording, I'll let you know. :)
Continuing to pace the floors until the woodchuck says it is okay to come out of hiding and that wool sweater.
-Suzs
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed To Participate in Christmas
Every year I loathe Christmas. And not because I'm Ebenezer Scrooge or anything it's just that something always goes awry. There's 27 holiday parties to attend, 57 cookie baking swaps to do, 40 kids to buy for and 31 parents to write cards to. I am exhausted by December 12th every year and completely sick of Christmas.
I do this to myself each and every year. I set myself up for failure right out of the starting gate by telling myself that this year will be different. I won't burn 4 dozen sugar cookies, show up an hour and a half late for dinner, or scream at anything this year.... it's going to be different, promise! Let's look back at some comical times in my family's Christmas past.
Christmas 2007:
I don't really remember much about this Christmas except that my husband's affinity for Nerf guns turned into the Christmas Day Shootout. It was spontaneous and fun and has never been quite duplicated since. We have tried but it's never been quite as fun. Nothing says Merry Christmas like shooting your brother in the face with a sticky Nerf bullet. I think somehow I offended someone this Christmas. Oh yeah wait, it was my mother because I didn't invite her over for the big family dinner due to the awkwardness factor of her and my dad being in the same room together at the same time. I was a bad child that year.
Christmas 2008:
Let's preface this by saying that I had already had Strep Throat 4 times by Christmas this year. Wake up 2 days before Christmas and it hurts to listen. Kids screaming with excitement for Christmas, forcing myself to go to work during my stint as a nanny and cringing when I had to move, talk, walk, blink, drink, smile, scold, craft or anything else that required breathing. The back of my head felt like it was going to blow off but I "manned up" went to work and carried out Christmas plans. After completely offending my brother by trying to pay for dinner and not understanding that he wanted to pay his own bill, I finally had enough sense to maybe check the back of my throat. I remember being really disoriented whilst coming out of the bathroom and saying to my husband, "Honey, I don't feel very good. I'm running a fever and it looks like there are bloody, white spots on the golf balls. I may need to go to the hospital." Mind you, it's Christmas night and no one is open but the hospitals and possibly the Jewish gas station down the road and just a little insight, I hate going to the doctor much less the hospital. My poor husband knew it was serious when my first line of thinking was hospital. Meanwhile, my poor uncle had to witness this and be around my horrible contagiousness. Let's just say he left real early in the morning and I really haven't seen much of him since.
Christmas 2009:
This was the Christmas I didn't know I was pregnant yet and thought I was going insane. I kept falling a lot and tripping over things, dropping things and crying at random times. I really thought I was loosing my mind and it didn't help that the rescued dog wouldn't leave my side. I just kept thinking I was either dying or delusional. So in between hormonal shifts I made my way over to my mother's for dinner. My mother is one of those ladies that never sits down much less stops moving the entire time you are in her presence. She's got ADD like woah, I love her to death but it's exhausting to watch her move around like that. I always feel like I need a nap after going to her house. Well my mother was acting the part of Greek Mother and forcing food and cheer on every one. She kept bugging the heck out of me and I had finally had it. I yelled at her, "IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE I'M GOING TO STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH THIS FORK!" She left me alone and I sat there and cried. Again, thinking I was dying. A week later we found out we were expecting our little monster and I felt a tiny bit better about my freak out.
Christmas 2010:
After pinching the nerve in my back yet again this year and having 4 family parties to go to I am a bit, how do you say.... flighty? I can't remember if I took a shower let alone what time to be somewhere. My mother in law is great at covering for me. "Oh hun, you know we're always glad to see you!" It makes me laugh how accommodating she is and how off the wall I can be. I tend to show up early to places by accident but this year was really bad.... I have been running late. Again, I will blame the Tiny Toed lil monster I just had cut out of me 3 1/2 months ago but it's been bad. I showed up to the previously offended brother's house an hour and a half late. I thought that everyone was joking that they had already eaten. I thought I was only twenty or so minutes late. Yeah, no. I was super late. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world right now. So, after all was said and done I took my cheese ball back home with me and plan to eat that bad boy for breakfast! Merry effin Christmas to me!
After re-reading this before posting I have realized I am a jerk. Not that this will change much in the future but man, I kinda suck. Ah well, there's always next year!
Merry Christmas!
-Suzs
I do this to myself each and every year. I set myself up for failure right out of the starting gate by telling myself that this year will be different. I won't burn 4 dozen sugar cookies, show up an hour and a half late for dinner, or scream at anything this year.... it's going to be different, promise! Let's look back at some comical times in my family's Christmas past.
Christmas 2007:
I don't really remember much about this Christmas except that my husband's affinity for Nerf guns turned into the Christmas Day Shootout. It was spontaneous and fun and has never been quite duplicated since. We have tried but it's never been quite as fun. Nothing says Merry Christmas like shooting your brother in the face with a sticky Nerf bullet. I think somehow I offended someone this Christmas. Oh yeah wait, it was my mother because I didn't invite her over for the big family dinner due to the awkwardness factor of her and my dad being in the same room together at the same time. I was a bad child that year.
Christmas 2008:
Let's preface this by saying that I had already had Strep Throat 4 times by Christmas this year. Wake up 2 days before Christmas and it hurts to listen. Kids screaming with excitement for Christmas, forcing myself to go to work during my stint as a nanny and cringing when I had to move, talk, walk, blink, drink, smile, scold, craft or anything else that required breathing. The back of my head felt like it was going to blow off but I "manned up" went to work and carried out Christmas plans. After completely offending my brother by trying to pay for dinner and not understanding that he wanted to pay his own bill, I finally had enough sense to maybe check the back of my throat. I remember being really disoriented whilst coming out of the bathroom and saying to my husband, "Honey, I don't feel very good. I'm running a fever and it looks like there are bloody, white spots on the golf balls. I may need to go to the hospital." Mind you, it's Christmas night and no one is open but the hospitals and possibly the Jewish gas station down the road and just a little insight, I hate going to the doctor much less the hospital. My poor husband knew it was serious when my first line of thinking was hospital. Meanwhile, my poor uncle had to witness this and be around my horrible contagiousness. Let's just say he left real early in the morning and I really haven't seen much of him since.
Christmas 2009:
This was the Christmas I didn't know I was pregnant yet and thought I was going insane. I kept falling a lot and tripping over things, dropping things and crying at random times. I really thought I was loosing my mind and it didn't help that the rescued dog wouldn't leave my side. I just kept thinking I was either dying or delusional. So in between hormonal shifts I made my way over to my mother's for dinner. My mother is one of those ladies that never sits down much less stops moving the entire time you are in her presence. She's got ADD like woah, I love her to death but it's exhausting to watch her move around like that. I always feel like I need a nap after going to her house. Well my mother was acting the part of Greek Mother and forcing food and cheer on every one. She kept bugging the heck out of me and I had finally had it. I yelled at her, "IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE I'M GOING TO STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH THIS FORK!" She left me alone and I sat there and cried. Again, thinking I was dying. A week later we found out we were expecting our little monster and I felt a tiny bit better about my freak out.
Christmas 2010:
After pinching the nerve in my back yet again this year and having 4 family parties to go to I am a bit, how do you say.... flighty? I can't remember if I took a shower let alone what time to be somewhere. My mother in law is great at covering for me. "Oh hun, you know we're always glad to see you!" It makes me laugh how accommodating she is and how off the wall I can be. I tend to show up early to places by accident but this year was really bad.... I have been running late. Again, I will blame the Tiny Toed lil monster I just had cut out of me 3 1/2 months ago but it's been bad. I showed up to the previously offended brother's house an hour and a half late. I thought that everyone was joking that they had already eaten. I thought I was only twenty or so minutes late. Yeah, no. I was super late. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world right now. So, after all was said and done I took my cheese ball back home with me and plan to eat that bad boy for breakfast! Merry effin Christmas to me!
After re-reading this before posting I have realized I am a jerk. Not that this will change much in the future but man, I kinda suck. Ah well, there's always next year!
Merry Christmas!
-Suzs
Friday, December 24, 2010
Stroke Zombies and Champagne
So this New Year's Eve as if it weren't bad enough to be stuck at home with family, freezing cold and drinking cheap chamagne we now have to listen to the stupidity of Snooki? Really, Snooki? Ryan Seacrest was bad enough when poor Dick Clark nearly died but now we have some idiot who's not even tall enough to be considered an adult to contend with. GREAAAAAT! I'm sure I will be tuning in.... no, not really at all.
Don't get me started on the whole Dick Clark thing. I think it is absolutely terrible that his family is whoring him out on national television so that they can still get that paycheck! Why in the world would they put a stroke victim on there? It is obviously not for the American Heart and Lung Association I can tell you that. Can you imagine the poor intern sap who gets the job of wiping the drool off of his face at commercial breaks? "I went to college for this? Huh, yeah my life really effing sucks!" Poor kid, let's hope he brought Bounty or Viva. I think at some point they need to stop propping Mr. Clark up and just let the old dude die. Or rest comfortably at least.
Now back to Snooki. 1) She looks like Danny DeVito in female form (hawt). 2) She just may be an inch taller than him. I'm not really sure on that last one because she's always wearing super high hooker heels and you really never know how tall she's going to be that day. She is quoted as saying that she's going to be like a hamster on crack. Well she got the crack part right, the hamster part is iffy. How would she look if she stopped shaving that 'stache? hmmm....
I remember being young and annoying, it was awhile ago but recent none the less. I don't remember being ridiculous. I believe having bills, being required to work and earn real people money helped keep me grounded and not "Jersey Shore" stupid.
Okay, my monster is up and needs to get balls-to-the-wall pretty in her Santa outfit. Have a safe and happy holiday season!!
-Suzs
Don't get me started on the whole Dick Clark thing. I think it is absolutely terrible that his family is whoring him out on national television so that they can still get that paycheck! Why in the world would they put a stroke victim on there? It is obviously not for the American Heart and Lung Association I can tell you that. Can you imagine the poor intern sap who gets the job of wiping the drool off of his face at commercial breaks? "I went to college for this? Huh, yeah my life really effing sucks!" Poor kid, let's hope he brought Bounty or Viva. I think at some point they need to stop propping Mr. Clark up and just let the old dude die. Or rest comfortably at least.
Now back to Snooki. 1) She looks like Danny DeVito in female form (hawt). 2) She just may be an inch taller than him. I'm not really sure on that last one because she's always wearing super high hooker heels and you really never know how tall she's going to be that day. She is quoted as saying that she's going to be like a hamster on crack. Well she got the crack part right, the hamster part is iffy. How would she look if she stopped shaving that 'stache? hmmm....
I remember being young and annoying, it was awhile ago but recent none the less. I don't remember being ridiculous. I believe having bills, being required to work and earn real people money helped keep me grounded and not "Jersey Shore" stupid.
Okay, my monster is up and needs to get balls-to-the-wall pretty in her Santa outfit. Have a safe and happy holiday season!!
-Suzs
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Let's start at the beginning
Okay, apparently some people have the notion that I'm funny. 1) Do NOT encourage this and 2) Imma write a blog about my adventures in everyday life. I'm a simpleton with a story and as adventures find me anywhere and everywhere I go, I hope you will hold on and enjoy the ride. I hope you've brought a good pair of shoes and freshened that Depends because here we go! Enjoy.
-Suzs
-Suzs
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